Partner WHI

B O X Partners is the nation's largest wholesaler of packaging, shipping and industrial supplies. For over 20 years, our unique business model has propelled the growth and success of distributors of all sizes from coast to coast. Partner definition, a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor; sharer; associate. See more. H-E-B Partner Services. We employ over 100,000 people we call Partners. We're all working together in the Spirit of H-E-B; committed to excellence and engaged in a cause that's more than a job. We believe people matter, and we have a mission to make their lives better. PartnerNet. William Harris Investors, Inc. (WHI) is a privately owned investment and wealth management firm that serves as the family office for the Irving B. Harris family. Founded in 1976 by Irving B. Harris to manage his own family's capital, WHI has expanded its services and today provides investment and wealth management services to four generations ... WHI Partner Program = Collaboration. The WHI Solutions partner program is a cooperative network of industry leading companies organized to help you to maximize the value of your IT investment with solutions that complement our Nexpart suite of eBusiness solutions. If you’re a Customer of a WHI Certified SMS Partner, your SMS can seamlessly work together with Nexpart. Nexpart User Interface Integration (Nexlink) The Nexpart User Interface integration (Nexlink) allows you to pass vehicle and part information between an SMS estimate or repair order and your vendor’s Nexpart site. WHI Real Estate Partners L.P. is a real estate investment firm focused on repositioning middle-market properties throughout the United States. Partner definition is - one associated with another especially in an action : associate, colleague. How to use partner in a sentence. A Denver credit union providing savings, checking and loans to individuals, families and businesses in the Metro Denver area, including Arvada, Aurora, Littleton and Stapleton, Colorado. Tom Selleck is an American actor, film producer, and California Army National Guard veteran. He is most known for starring as private investigator Thomas Magnum in the television series Magnum, P.I. (1980–1988), as Peter Mitchell in Three Men and a Baby, and as NYPD Commissioner Frank Reagan in Blue Bloods on CBS since 2010.

I know what I want, but I can't bring myself to say it out loud

2020.09.21 19:09 blackandwhyte I know what I want, but I can't bring myself to say it out loud

I don't even know why I'm writing this... I can feel my friends getting frustrated with me, my therapist keeps telling me to take a step but every time I come close I just chicken out. We're in our first year of marriage, we've been together about 6.5 years. Covid really helped to shine a light on some of our problems, as I'm sure a lot of people can relate to. I guess I just feel like I need to tell my story to someone who might be able to understand better than my immediate network.
From the beginning, he (38) and I (31) just clicked, but he had struggled with a lot of trauma in his childhood and I wanted to prove to him that he deserved love just as much as (if not more than) anyone else. I did everything I could to show him he could trust me, and that I wouldn't abandon him - looking back now, I did so to the extent of it being a detriment to my own well-being.
When we met, we both like to party recreationally - drink a lot, throw in the occasional Molly or coke for good measure. It was fun, pretty harmless. But I noticed that oftentimes when we would hit a certain point in the heavy-substance nights, his mental health would go south; question whether I was trustworthy, whether I wanted to be with him, he'd sometimes suggest we should split up before someone got hurt.... never positive things to hear, but it was always easy to chalk it up to "we had a little too much".
But over the years those situations became more frequent, and I became more desensitized to them. We'd be out with friends, he'd accuse me of cheating on him with one of them (the guy in question could even be gay), he'd tell me he didn't want to be together, then get angry if I didn't fight to keep us together. But I stuck through it because I knew it all came from a place of hurt, and when we weren't fucked up, we were great.
But thinking about it, I must've set some really unrealistic expectations right out of the gate: I went so far above and beyond in the beginning to make sure he was happy and taken care of, he must have thought that was just our dynamic.
In 2016 we moved in together. But more of the same continued. This time though, it was happening in our home with guests present, and it wasn't as easy to hide this part of our relationship. I could feel my friends forming new opinions of him and us as a couple.
Don't get me wrong, some of it was amazing. He would go out of his way to make me feel really special. He'd take me on trips, take me these wonderful dinners, and spoil me the way he knew how. He never understood when I would tell him that while all of those things were wonderful, an emotionally-healthy relationship was what I craved most. In 2018 he took me to France and proposed to me in Paris. It was unbelievable. The night we got engaged, he had a horrible flash of insecurity during a moment of intimacy, spoiling the evening, which I downplayed to not make him feel bad.
Here's where things started to get dicey for me. Our engagement was really rocky. He started spending time with a new group of friends - initially for work (they were clients). Initially I would go too because he seemed to really like these people. But his drinking was getting concerning, and the way these people passed coke around was like asking for a few more ice cubes to throw in your drink. I started to think they weren't the best people for him to be spending his time with, but he was making a lot of money off of them so there was no convincing him. They continued to drive a wedge between us as he stopped coming home (something I'd never experienced before) and his drunk and coke-filled cranium started accusing me of being unfaithful more and more. Soon it was 4-5 nights a week he wouldn't come home. Then he would spend the following few days in bed nursing himself back to health; feeling depressed, not working. Then back out again. It quickly became clear that he'd lost control. He would admit it, promise to make a change, spend 2-4 weeks sober, then we'd be right back where we were before. I begged him to get it under control: "stop putting yourself in these situations, stop drinking liquor and stick to beer, stop with the coke...whatever it looks like to you, I'm okay with but we can't keep on like this."
It finally came down to an ultimatum: "get your shit together or I can't marry you." He did. We were both sober through our wedding, our honeymoon. He agreed to work a recovery program; a hollow promise I would hear time and time again.
We were married, and feeling the newlywed bliss... but it didn't take long for things to fall back into our old routine. He wouldn't listen to me when I continued to express concerns about his drinking and him spending so much time with these people that he was clearly powerless against with his substance abuse. So I found a friend to listen to me when I was concerned. Her marriage was falling apart due to her husband's continued infidelity, so we really learned to lean on each other. But I started telling her too much. I'd call and text her about everything. When he got so mad he ripped our Christmas tree apart. We he got so drunk and angry he pulled a shotgun out of the closet, or threw my clothes into the front yard for our neighbors to see. And when he went through my phone and found out, nothing was ever the same. He felt betrayed by the one person who swore up and down would never betray him. And his drinking got worse and his resentment towards me grew, as did mine towards him. His paranoia was off the charts, and it didn't take long before he had too much to drink and things went so far that they can't ever go back. Back in January of this year, he drank a bottle of scotch with his friend in our backyard. He asked me to leave and given his state, I thought the best thing to do would be to stay at a hotel for the night. But he got so angry he threw me into our bedroom wall; I fell and hit my head on the nightstand. The amount of blood was terrifying. My clothes were soaked in it, my face covered. I grabbed my dog, a few things in a bag and left. This had to be his bottom. I called the police and had him arrested. He spent the night in jail, came home late the next night and swore up and down that he would never let something like this happen again. He went to a single AA meeting, but it had the opposite effect - he wasn't hiding booze from me and he wasn't craving it first thing in the morning, so he must not be an addict. Two weeks passed, and he was frustrated that he couldn't drink again. My head hadn't even healed yet and he was screaming at me for telling him I wasn't comfortable with him drinking at all.
On and off since when we would get into a fight, he would disappear, have nowhere else to go so he'd call his friends. Start drinking, do coke (lie about it), avoid coming home. But like clockwork, around 4am he would arrive back at the house, wake me up, and start telling me he wanted a divorce. Every time, I told him that wasn't what I wanted, but gradually I was starting to think more and more that it might be the best thing for us. But I couldn't tell him, not when he was in that state, and certainly not without a plan of action of my own - his reactions were so unpredictable that I didn't feel safe being honest with him.
One of these times, back in July or August, it happened again. He threw my stuff into the front yard mid-morning and caused me to miss a meeting at work, jeopardizing my job. I packed some stuff and left, and he called me right back telling me he needed to go to the ER because he was coughing up blood. As angry as I was, how could I not turn around if he needed help? He spent the day at the hospital alone (covid policies wouldn't let me stay). When I picked him up, his paperwork read that he was treated for cocaine abuse. Though he swore up and down he hadn't taken any. He'd told me time and again he had stopped taking it because he knew what it did to him. I told him this was his last shot, that I wanted a guarantee. He told me I had it. If jail wasn't his bottom, maybe the hospital would be.
No.
Fast forward to last week. He's been going out again nonstop, at least once a week we have our routine 4am fight. This time, we agree on a separation. I start making arrangements to get out of this house as quickly as a I can - I imagine his coping mechanism is to get fucked up and if I'm here, he's going to harass me. I tell my boss I need to leave, I start working with a realtor in another city and get things in motion. He comes home the next morning, tells me he's serious this time about his sobriety and that he doesn't want to split. I don't agree this time, but I hesitate to tell him I'm done. Then just two days ago, he tells me he's been doing coke all this time. That he wants to be honest with me (as he so often does after the fact) and tells me again if he can just drink with only me and not fall back into the same patterns, he thinks it'll be okay. And I brush it off like it's nothing because at this point it feels like nothing. It feels normal.
But since yesterday I've been kicking myself for not saying "enough is enough". I sit here in the other room, questioning what to do because I love this man so so much and I know what a good person he can be. But I know deep down, this is what it's going to be. He'll find a myriad of distractions to avoid dealing with this. He'll blame me for betraying him, telling me I led him to become an alcoholic. He'll tell me if we just have kids, that he'll have a purpose to focus on (I'm not stupid enough to fall for that, don't worry). And if I don't step away now, when? But why can't I just do it? Why can't a just say "I want a divorce" and be done with it?
If you've read this far, I'm shocked!, but thank you. How did you (or your ex) do it? How did you work up the courage to just rip the bandaid and tell the person you love so much that you can't be their partner anymore?
-----
Last two things: 1. I know this is terribly disorganized, I just had to get it all out. 2. I'm in no way suggesting I'm blameless in our marriage. I've made mistakes, I've said things out of spite and anger that I shouldn't have. And he's not a bad guy. He's lost and I've wanted to help him for so long, but am I wrong for feeling like I've given it a fair shot and that now I want to focus on myself?
submitted by blackandwhyte to Divorce [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 19:01 ThrowRA-johndinnere I(20M) pushed my Girlfriend(20F) at the start of the relationship to have sex and we are dealing with the trauma now.

Hello there!
It was hard to not make the title misleading, hope it is okay.First of all I am sorry if my post makes anyone uncomfortable, I know what I did is shit and serious. I just don't know what to do for her and how to support her(if its possible) and what to do with myself, I just want to find a way to make her life easier in any way possible. If there's a more appropriate subreddit, please direct me to it.
So at the start of our relationship me (Spain) and my gf ( Ukraine) had a very gray time. We were in the same city for some months and that where we got to know each other. It was one of our first time with other people, I've had 2 other partners (just casual) and she didn't, so we were quite new to this (not really an excuse just context). We started dating and given my past experiences (with people with very similar culture as me) things moved super fast and had sex naturally after some encounters, but this time it didn't go that way, she was obviously not prepared. Something I didn't get till 6 months later or so. I pushed her a bit, and thought it was part of the game, like playing hard to get (God I know is super stupid of me), but for her it was hell (I totally get it now why) and we ended having sex and other unpleasant experiences surrounding that. For me at that time I really didn't get it I should have stopped, I was so stupid because she was telling it to me in varied ways but I didn't get it and she didnt have the strength and confidence to stop it in a more strict way so that I got it that I am fucked up (which is obviously my fault not hers, really, I get that).
Somehow things continued developing in the relationship and I started to develop more and more feelings for her and she too. We decided to continue as distance relationship (different countries). It was then that we started to talk much more than before (the only thing to do) and we started understanding what happened and how much it actually affected her. We started to notice more and more problems surrounding our sex life when we met now and then.
So fast forward to today, we didn't see each other since corona in March and things got more and more rough given our horrible sexual life. And we held together thanks to our non-sex life that was actually super good, and we supported each other a lot during super hard times and we were working on our sexuality, we were reading books for example. For her is like she was dating a different person, at the start and now (am I crazy? I think though is because I developed stronger feelings and more empathy with her). So now we basically broke up, we realized that what happened in the start was most probably sexual assault or most specifically sexual coercion from my part (for me they are big words actually and I am super ashamed I was so pushy) so we decided that we really should break up so that there is no pressure on her and she can have less influence from me. She will try to get in contact with a psychologist (which I obviously will help paying) and I will read books about traumas with her and try to support her in any way I can. I love her and I think she loves me too, really I cant believe I was like that and I am doubting which kind of monster I am, I am scared to hurt people like this. So what I tell her for now is that it is not her fault at all, that I take all the responsibility and that even if I am sad or anything I am not a victim, she is. There are many things I could tell that would probably make people understand better my decisions and hers but I think is already too long, so ask any questions in the comments pls. Now I don't know if its okay what we are doing, supporting each other while breaking up for this or if I should distance myself so she can overcome it without my influence.
btw just in case I am not a violent person I am just an asshole or I was at that time at the very least.
For any opinion/advice I would be happy.
submitted by ThrowRA-johndinnere to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:50 killmeimtrash couples shouldn't have access to each other's private conversations.

Last week, I was talking to a friend about something serious in Dms, childhood trauma sorta thing and her boyfriend just starts infiltrating our chat and reading everything that I'm typing even though I told him to leave. Even though he did eventually leave (the gf didn't say anything), I still feel insecure that he will go back and read the private conversations that me and my friend have.
Like if I'm messaging you, I want to talk to you only, and letting your boyfriend in between those conversations is a breach of my privacy. I don't want your nasty ass knowing anything private about me, since I don't know or trust you. ITS ANNOYING ASF.
And if you're asking why I'm not talking to the friend in person, it's because a) we're all in quarantine and b) I really don't like to talk about trauma in person, some things are better said over texts and I'd probably chicken out irl
So yeah unless you have a valid reason (you're suspecting that your partner is cheating etc), don't just click into private conversations just cuz you feel like it.
submitted by killmeimtrash to unpopularopinion [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:46 UshiiMoe [VENT] Man fails to understand why his GF is upset

So a friend of mine was taking to us about a current situation that I just wanted to vent about, especially as a newbie hear I'd really love to hear your input as well. Although it is not my personal situation I feel that its something that I can learn to pick up on in the future
So anyways she (lets call her Jill) is upset her partner(lets go with Jack) for allowing a women (Patty I guess lol) of his friend group get too close to him. From what I understand it happened at a party, Patty was drunk, and was rubbing his back(? maybe arm?) and saying he's such a great man. He ofc didn't think much of it (why would he? She's fueling his ego). Apparently aside from that it seemed that same event he was being a bit distant from Jill (I.E. she'd get close and he would wander away, kinda sketch).
After that night Jill expressed to him how she is uncomfortable with Patty being alone with him and would prefer for him to avoid that. He says ok and life goes on. Well jump to yesterday us girls go out of town for a photo shoot and our way back from our trip she gets the update that he is actually at Patty's house with all their friends. Something that wasn't even mentioned at all to Jill, which I believe is a red flag. Because I believe he chose not to tell Jill.
Supposedly he had sent Jill a list of chores he would be doing that day she was out, since he had the weekend free of his son, but apparently none of that all got completed as he had made the decision to hang out and drink with friends at Patty's place since 11am - literally when we returned home at 9pm. Poor Jill was asking if her frustration was valid, like girl!
Jill & Jack were texting back and forth but he just kept missing the fact that she was upset at the disrespect yet he chose to keep defending Patty and saying "she didn't mean it like that" "she feels bad" "She didn't realize what she was doing" etc. Again the issue is with Jack not Patty. Overall he just kept trying to defuse the situation and keep the peace but he didn't seem to understand Jill's frustration. He and his friends were even encouraging her to go over and hangout after she gets back, like Jill needs an audience for this issue (which I'm sure all his friends are right with him behind the phone trying to help).
The entire ordeal gave me a headache, I wanted to tell her to just leave and go home but they actually share a place together and have actually bought a home..
The man is already divorced and didn't even have much time being single as the next girl was Jill and now seems to be locking her in with his son. Apparently this is the best relationship she's had so I'm happy to hear that but also I feel bad that it seems that she has to deal with these minor issues.
Like maybe he's not a bad guy but I feel like he can do better at making her feel validated and actually put an effort toward correcting these issues
submitted by UshiiMoe to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:43 BequiveredOwl Boss has said I’m not allowed time off - 4 days before planned.

(England) Hi, i’m making this post on behalf of my stepdad.
I’m going away (within the current guidelines) to visit my dad and my partner’s dad from this Friday for 5 days. I was given the go ahead by my boss (B) a month ago, and have now been told today that I am not allowed to take the time off. I would be driving, so no train tickets have been bought, but my father is elderly and may not see the end of the year (which I have informed my boss about).
B forced me to take most of my holiday days back at the beginning of April, just after my household self isolated due to my step son displaying COVID symptoms. B did not decide to furlough myself or anyone else, which is why I was made to use my holiday days.
I understand I may have no recourse to this, but it is very inconvenient for myself and my partner as she has not seen her father in about 2 years.
We are currently living in Richmondshire, and my father lives in Bristol and my partner’s in central Wales.
submitted by BequiveredOwl to LegalAdviceUK [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:42 ThrowRA077777 Partner(25m) stole my(21F) job and I'm angry about it.

Throw away because my main is my name lol, also on mobile so sorry if this is all condensed.
Posted to AITA but suggested itd be better in a different sub:)
A year and a half ago I found out I was pregnant, my partner decided to get a new job, all was well, things recently went downhill and he quit.
During this time he had barely any money, bought a van that he could not afford without telling me, I was so sick during my pregnancy I couldn't work, I pay for everything though, rent, bills, water, 2 weeks of food and he pays the other two weeks.He pays his loan off, his van, his phone, my phone.
Last week, BEFORE he quit, I told him I wanted to go back to my old job, fine, no problem. Now, he was self employed before so the hours were no problem, my mum is disabled and doesn't really need to be looking after a 7mo, family babysitting is out of the question. He can no longer do this, which I am fine with, BUT I am not fine that he has now applied for the job I want, with my friends.
The same job is going in a different area, same distance away, with HIS friends.
Any time I say I want something, he sure enough comes home with it for himself. Camera? I just got this off Facebook lol but its mine. A switch? I bought it for you but makes sense if you still buy your own now. A new phone? I got it. For me. Laptop? Hahaha I got one but its just for me.
EVERYTHING I say I want this guy goes and gets, but this is one thing that I'm not forgiving, and it's turned into a heated debate.
Might be a brat, but it's the fact the same job is going with the same pay in a different area, but he has taken the one I wanted with my friends and has expected me to not be pissed.
TL;DR; Decided I want to go back to job, partner quit, applied for job, now doesnt understand why im upset.
submitted by ThrowRA077777 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:39 Fair_Caregiver5533 How do I (17M) get passed losing my virginity this way

Around 1-2 years ago I was extremely depressed and the only person who was there for me was this girl. It was toxic and I was aware of it but I didn’t care at the time. Eventually she took my virginity which was a really really bad experience (getting interrupted multiple times) and I didn’t feel a single thing. Turns out that she was using me to get back at her ex boyfriend. I’m not gonna lie this low key traumatized me in the sense that I have anxiety and trust issues in every relationship now. I’ve had no positive experiences since then. I’m slowly improving but it’s such a long process and idk if future partners need to know why I have these issues
submitted by Fair_Caregiver5533 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:38 burninginfinite I am 31 years old, make $117,000, live in Northern VA (DC suburbs) and work as a Management Consultant

Content Warning: Dieting (intermittent fasting)

Section One: Assets and Debt

Section Two: Income

Section Three: Expenses

Day 1 (Sunday)

9:30 am : SO and Dog are still asleep, so I read in bed until SO wakes up. We have sex (Dog is not pleased) and then he gets up to work out while I keep reading. He basically bought a home gym when COVID started and at first he thought it might be a waste of money, but it’s actually proven to be a good purchase.
11:55 am: I’ve been intermittent fasting a bit to balance out my WFH snacking habits. I try not to eat before noon, but I’m starving, so I eat a small snack a few minutes early. Water our balcony plants, refill the bird feeder, then shower and perform my skin ritual. I scale this up or down depending on my plans for the day, but I have time and I was lazy last night, so I do all of it. I just added bakuchiol and I’m excited to see how it works. (Double cleanse with Hanskin Pore Cleansing Oil and CeraVe Facial Cleanser, then: Trader Joe’s Rose Water Toner, Amara Vitamin C Serum, TJ’s Hyaluronic Acid Serum, Handmade Heroes Bakuchiol Booster, TJ’s Eye Cream, Klairs Midnight Blue Calming Cream, and La Roche-Posay Anthelios 60 Ultra Light Sunscreen Fluid.)
1:00 pm: We have a Very Lazy Dog who never wants to take walks, but we drag him out before driving to meet a friend for a 1:30 brunch reservation. When we arrive, they’re behind and seem to have no idea when our patio table will be ready. My friend K brought her dog (yay!) but that means we can’t sit inside, so we have to wait. She’s a little shy and anxious (the dog, not K) but I brought her some treats, which she eats without hesitation.
1:55 pm: Finally seated! K’s pup keeps getting tangled under the table begging for more treats. K and I have drinks (SO doesn’t drink on Sundays so he has a soda) and we split some brussels sprouts as an appetizer. Avocado toast for K, a burger for SO, and avocado eggs benedict and two sweet potato pancakes for me (SO eats the potatoes that come with my benedict). We split the check, but SO takes mine before I have a chance to see it. He and I try to keep things relatively even, but we mostly just trust it’ll wash out in the end. He likes to pay when we go out but I usually buy the groceries. (We’re more disciplined about splitting big purchases.)
4:00 pm: Pit stop on the way home for SO to pick up more vape pods. He’s been planning to quit for a while, but his work has been super stressful lately and he keeps pushing his quit date back. I try not to get too annoyed about this – I know he’s trying and quitting sucks.
7:30 pm: I wake up from an ill-advised nap. We finish last night’s leftover sushi for dinner and watch the first Harry Potter movie. My friend Venmos me $163.71 to pay me back for a group purchase I placed a couple weeks ago and I immediately transfer it to my bank account.
10:00 pm: SO likes to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10 because he gets up so early to work out, but I usually stay up later reading. Tonight, I actually have to catch up on some work that’s due first thing in the morning. Working in bed while SO and Dog snore next to me weirdly helps me focus (because I want to join them!).
3:45 am : That took longer than I thought it would! As I’m shutting down, I randomly remember a few things I need from Amazon. I’ve been trying to shop more responsibly, which means not using Amazon Prime. But a week ago I needed some stuff quickly and they offered me a monthlong free trial, so now I’m on an Amazon kick. I’ll cancel before the trial ends and then I won’t re-up for probably a year or so. I buy some mask brackets to try while working out, broom and mop grips for the utility closet door, some washcloths, and the next size up of a sweater I ordered and liked but was too small (I’ll return the other one this week). It takes a while to fall asleep (shouldn’t have napped earlier!). ($82.62)
Total: $82.62

Day 2 (Monday)

7:45 am : I wake up to the sound of SO ironing his shirt for work. He says he overslept (guess he missed his workout) and rushes out the door. I kiss him goodbye, get dressed, drink a glass of water, and log on to my computer. I check last night’s document one last time and email it to the client.
10:30 am: I take a break from work to pay my credit card bills, which are all due around the same time. ($1,100) I use a modified avalanche method – I make minimum payments rounded up to the next hundred, then I pay proportionally more toward higher interest balances. I know it’s not as cost effective but seeing significant progress toward all my balances is reassuring. I’ll make a second payment at the end of the month on my highest interest cards with however much money I have left over. Scrolling through Facebook, I see that the animal rescue where I got Dog is doing a fundraiser for vet bills for a sweet pup who needed emergency surgery. It makes me sad – I go snuggle Dog for a minute (who is still snoring in bed and is not happy about the forced snuggle time) and then make a donation. ($107.20)
12:30 pm: Made it to noon (and beyond) without eating! I was really hungry around 11:45 but then I got distracted, so here we are at 12:30. I microwave some leftover pork shoulder that I roasted last week and eat it with honey mustard. I have so much admiration for people who actually make meals for lunch. I mostly just cobble together whatever I have.
2:00 pm: While filling out this MD, I realize I can’t remember if I’ve paid the property tax on my car yet. I panic briefly because I can’t find the letter they sent, but then I remember I can look it up on the website and… I have not. Today is turning out to be expensive! ($110.22)
4:45 pm: Our engagement photoshoot is in a month and I’m starting to stress about what to wear. The COVID weight gain is so real (and I haven’t been working out like I used to). I buy an oversized sweater I’ve had my eye on that will hopefully be cute with skinny jeans (if any of them still fit me) and vow to return it if it’s not perfect. ($33.91) Then I walk the dog, who is just now getting out of bed and asking for attention.
6:45 pm: SO gets home! On Mondays I take a late workout class, so I get to see him before I leave. I toast an everything bagel and eat it with cream cheese while we chat about our days.
8:00 pm: Class! I asked one of the women in my class to make me two masks, which she brings me tonight, so I Venmo her $20.
9:45 pm: Get home from class completely wiped and am grateful to find that SO walked Dog before I got home so I can basically go straight to bed. (Dog never wants to go outside but he has yet to learn to use a litter box, so…) He’s asleep before I finish washing my face and I’m not far behind – out like a light by 10:30.
Total: $1,371.33, but at least most of it was bills.

Day 3 (Tuesday)

7:45 am : After hitting snooze once, I hop in the shower to wake up. Dog watches me do my skin routine from the bed, looking very annoyed that I’m up. SO texts me to walk the dog early because it feels like fall today, so I drag him outside after I’m finished with daily standup. This involves bringing the leash up two flights of stairs to leash him in bed before coaxing him down the stairs and out the door.
10:00 am: Our client has been migrating their document repository to a new system and there is evidently some confusion over who is supporting which migration effort. Everyone is calling all of the projects “System Migration,” so this honestly seemed inevitable. I spend a good chunk of my morning sorting this out so I can tell them confidently that we are not involved with the one they’re asking about. When I’m intermittent fasting, I routinely get hungry at 10am but I drink a glass of water and try to power through.
12:30 pm: Lunch! I heat up the rest of the pork and steam some veggies in the microwave. One of the most annoying things about SO is that he’s always craving delivery of some sort, even if I’ve planned a meal, so fresh produce often goes to waste in our house. I haven’t totally given up yet, but thank god for frozen veggies.
1:00 pm: I feel like this is going to sound like a ridiculous purchase, but here goes: SO’s favorite pen company is dropping a batch of limited release pens at 1pm (noon CT). I set an alarm and am refreshing the website repeatedly by 12:59 because SO has been coveting these pens for ages and last time they sold out in about 10 minutes. I have to start over when someone buys the pen I picked as I am checking out, but I manage to snag two– one as an anniversary gift for SO and one as a Christmas gift for my dad (anyone who knows me will tell you I really do start my Christmas shopping early – gifts and acts of service are my two big love languages). A few minutes later, the pens are all gone. ($403.86)
2:00 pm: We trained Dog not to rush the door when he hears the doorbell by giving him treats and now he RUNS to the treats whenever the doorbell rings, which it just did. I toss him a couple treats before retrieving the packages at our door. The sweater I ordered on Sunday is among them and although it fits better, I realize it’s too sheer, so I pack it up with the rest of my returns.
5:15 pm: I resolved to start Chloe Ting’s 2 week shred program today, but the 13 minute HIIT session leaves me totally wiped and feeling very out of shape. (Dog didn’t help – he was VERY in the way every time I got down for anything plank adjacent.) I skip the ab video and leave a little early to drop off my return at the UPS store before class.
8:00 pm: Out for drinks with two friends from class. It’s late to be eating but I also don’t want to drink on an empty stomach, so I order a wrap and take home the half I don’t eat. The fall cider I’m drinking is delicious. I order two crowlers (canned draft beer… well, cider) to take home. ($57.96)
Total: $461.82

Day 4 (Wednesday)

7:30 am: SO wakes up on the wrong side of the bed because he overslept again. I help him get out the door, walk the dog, then get on standup (I’ll shower after). I feel like I didn’t sleep well last night and my Whoop recovery score reflects this – only 31%.
11:00 am: My company closed one of its offices a while back when one of our big contracts ended, and they’re trying to get rid of all the furniture, which has been in storage ever since. I’ve been working at SO’s old kitchen table and a kitchen chair since we moved in May, so I drive the 30 minutes to the office to see what they have. It’s also really nice to see a bunch of my coworkers in person who I haven’t seen since COVID started or even before that. I wind up with an office chair, a mat to go under it, a whiteboard, and some assorted office supplies. The smallest desks they had were still too big for my home office (which is also our guest bedroom). Guess I still need to buy a desk after all. It’s 1:30 by the time I leave, so I stop by Panera for lunch on my way home: you-pick-two with half a chicken salad sandwich and a small broccoli cheddar mac and cheese. I also buy a lemon cookie for me and two chocolate chippers for SO (his favorite). $17.23
5:30 pm: SO texts that he’ll be home a little early! Dog will be thrilled (and me too, of course). I waffle about doing Chloe Ting Day 2 because I am extremely sore from class Monday and Tuesday, but I do the HIIT video and SO arrives home just in time to save me from doing the abs videos.
7:00 pm: I bake some chicken thighs brushed with TJ’s Honey Pale Ale Mustard and garlic and steam some veggies for dinner. SO doesn’t really like chicken, but he says this is good and has three pieces. Victory! I file this recipe away in my head. (I like to say he’s the pickiest adventurous eater in the world. He doesn’t like pasta/noodles, cheese, or chicken, but he loves the stuff that lots of picky eaters won’t eat: seafood, especially sushi, and all kinds of international cuisine. It’s nice having a partner who is always up for sushi night, but cheese boards and family style sides of mac and cheese are a challenge. I really hope our kids don’t decide to emulate his eating habits.) We walk the dog after dinner.
9:30 pm: Because my recovery last night was so bad, I resolve to go to bed at the same time as SO tonight… but he’s still asleep by the time I finish my evening skincare routine. In bed by 10.
Total: $17.23

Day 5 (Thursday)

7:45 am: I hit the snooze once because our neighbors woke us up around 1:30 blasting music and I didn’t fall back asleep for almost an hour. Still, I feel fairly well rested and my Whoop recovery is 83% (yay!). Do my morning skincare, drink some water, get online for daily standup, and I’m greeted with the news that my return has processed, putting $140.57 back on my card. (I’ll count this as a $25.43 credit for this week since one item I returned was the sweater I bought Sunday – the rest was from earlier purchases.)
10:00 am: It’s a light morning, so between emails, I spend some time bringing my new office furniture upstairs and organizing my desk area, then browse Ikea for a new desk. A new desk would also be motivation to finally unpack the last of the boxes, which all live in my office (the other rooms of the house are pretty much unpacked).
12:00 pm: Lunch! The half wrap from Tuesday night is a little soggy but still good. I eat that and then wander down to the garage to scrounge up the second half of my lunch from our deep freezer. Half of the freezer is my lunch stash – things I love but SO won’t eat. Pierogies sound delicious but I don’t have the patience to cook them right now. Instead I grab a box of TJ’s butter chicken and pop it in the microwave; I’ll mix in last night’s leftover veggies. While I wait for that to heat up, I mix some yogurt with salt and set it in a strainer to make labneh, then grab a resistance band and do some lateral band walks across the living room – my knee has been acting up lately mostly because I have weak, lazy glutes. The smell of food finally gets Dog out of bed, so I eat at my computer and then take him for a walk.
2:30 pm: My 2pm meeting ended very early and I have packages! My Soko Glam order from last week is here with some sheet masks, a new serum, and a pore control mask (my mascne has been horrible since I’ve been wearing a mask to work out lately). The sweater I ordered Monday also arrives. I try it on and like it, but I can’t decide if it’s too baggy. I snap a selfie to send to some friends for second and third opinions about whether I need to size down.
5:00 pm: I enter one of those “win a wedding dress” sweepstakes. I normally never enter these, but since I’ve been wedding planning I’ve been entering them like crazy. I know the chances of winning are so slim, but still. I briefly consider a Chloe Ting workout (I really should) but since I have class soon, I skip it.
8:00 pm: Done with class! I’ve been on a hunt for the best masks to wear while working out (that don’t make me feel like I can’t breathe). The studio owner makes the best ones I’ve found yet. I buy 3 for $40 from him. I pick up Chipotle (SO ordered ahead) and stop for gas on the way home. ($23.50) We eat while watching Space Force (a burrito for him, a burrito bowl for me, half of which becomes my lunch for tomorrow). Steve Carell’s character is just a different version of Michael Scott, but it’s mindlessly entertaining. Dog has to be dragged outside for a walk because it’s raining.
9:30 pm: I shower and do the Acsen pore control mask that arrived today. It’s a little tingly and smells really nice. Finish up my skincare and sleep nice and early again – I’m out by 10:30.
Total: Net $38.07 ($63.50 with a $25.43 credit)

Day 6 (Friday)

7:00 am: I wake up early today. SO is out the door before 7:30 and Friday standups aren’t until 9, so I squeeze in the HIIT video, then join an 8am stretching class my friend teaches on Zoom (this is “paid” for by my staff membership at the studio).
11:45 am: It was a very productive morning and now I’m ravenous. I start scrounging up lunch so I can eat right at noon before another meeting marathon begins at 12:30 which will last until 5. Leftover Chipotle and pita bread with labneh with olive oil and za’atar.
4:45 pm: Finally done (a little bit early)! I have a small bowl of ice cream as a Friday reward and watch a little Netflix. SO said he was going to try to leave an hour early from work today, but my money is on him leaving like 5 minutes early.
5:50 pm: I take Dog for a walk (he has literally been sleeping all day and hasn’t made so much as a peep). SO texts that he’s going to be late because of some last second drama at work. Sigh. Well, I guess now I have no excuse not to do some Chloe Ting. I do an ab video and a lower body video.
7:30 pm: SO gets home and immediately announces he’s going to work out, but sprawls on the bed with Dog for a while before getting a move on. I’m a little annoyed because I was looking forward to having dinner and spending some time with him, but his workouts usually take about 1.5 hours, so that would put dinner at probably close to 10pm (way too late for me, even if I wasn’t intermittent fasting – I don’t know how he eats a full meal and then goes straight to bed). Honestly, lately I feel like we aren’t spending much quality time together (scrolling on our phones next to each other doesn’t count) and every time I suggest an activity, he just wants to watch TV instead. I also get the news about RBG passing away and now I’m just extra sad. I watch a movie in bed and am half asleep by the time SO finishes his workout and comes upstairs.
Total: $0

Day 7 (Saturday)

8:45 am: Alarm goes off. I take 2 classes on Saturday mornings, so I roll out of bed and start getting ready, but SO derails me wanting to talk about last night, and we have it out. I struggle to explain that it’s not that I don’t want him to work out or that I don’t support his goals – it’s just that I would like him to prioritize me and our relationship at least as much as he does his workouts. We end at a bit of an impasse (with me crying, because I cry at everything) and instead of going to class, I take a drive to calm down. Driving up and down the GW Parkway with the windows down always makes me feel better.
11:30 am: I buy SO Starbucks as a peace offering and head home. ($6.05) When I get there, SO apologizes and promises to make more of an effort to do things with me that aren’t just laying on the couch watching TV. He suggests that we go out for a late lunch/early dinner and do a little day drinking, and that we can have a zoo outing tomorrow (plus he’ll work out while I hit the studio).
2:00 pm: We both shower and then walk the dog together. Then we go to the restaurant across the street, walking to take advantage of the good weather (and so we can both drink). We sit outside and split calamari and a dozen oysters. I have a steak salad with peaches and gorgonzola, and SO orders crab cakes. We each have two drinks and I take dessert to go (SO does not share my sweet tooth!). The check is around $170 (pre-tip); SO pays and we walk home.
7:00 pm: We watch a movie on the couch and keep drinking. I’m excited to crack open the cider I brought home the other day. After the movie, we take Dog out for a quick walk and then head to bed. Before going to sleep, I make a $107 donation in honor of RBG to be split between several Senate campaigns.
Total: $113.05

Weekly Total: $2084.12

Food & Drink: $81.24
Fun & Entertainment: $0
Home & Health: $117.19 (I’m counting masks here)
Clothes & Beauty: $33.91 (Net – $25.43 bought and returned)
Transport: $23.50
Other: $1,828.28

Weekly Reflection

All in all, I feel like I did ok this week. I spent more money this week than I expected – that being said, looking at how much of this week’s spending was in bills and donations, I’m not too upset about it. The pens were an unexpected and big expense, but I was going to have to buy those gifts eventually, so again, not too upset about it. (The cost is probably in line with what I’d normally spend on an anniversary gift for SO. The pen for my dad was a little more expensive than what I’d normally buy for him, but I know it will be a special gift.) Going out has also been an uncommon occurrence lately, but it felt good to be social again, and I would much rather spend money on going out and spending time with people than spend excessively on stuff.
I’m definitely a spender, which (as you can see) has gotten me in trouble in the past. I’ve been doing better lately and I’m also very good about returning things that don’t work out, especially now that COVID has increased my proportion of online shopping vs. in person. This week was also a little unusual because we didn’t buy groceries and SO picked up the bill every time we went out. (For reference, we went grocery shopping on Day 8, which I paid for. That came out to about $200 between Costco and the supermarket and will last us about two weeks – we buy in bulk when it makes sense and freeze what we won’t use immediately. That bill is on the low side because we just restocked the freezer within the last month.)
I guess one thing I’ve thought about a lot while doing this MD has been how SO and I split expenses. I personally think it’s pretty fair – he might spend a little more than I do in the end, but he is also the one who always wants to order delivery, so I don’t feel too badly about that. I realize this week wasn’t a great snapshot for demonstrating an even split, but I’m curious to know how it came off to you all as readers and your thoughts on splitting expenses with an SO without having to split every bill right down the middle and Venmoing each other all the time (there’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but it’s not how we work).
submitted by burninginfinite to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:31 DustAccording9183 Looking for Advice

Hello, I'm looking for advice for dealing with my partner who is on the spectrum, we recently rehashed an argument that has come up a few times before in regards to negativity. We are both 30's, recently married. Also neither of us knew he was on the spectrum until after we married, it has been a recent and (especially for him) life altering realization. I have done my best to be patient and accommodating but I must admit that I am tired- and his inflexibility with dealing with this latest issue is making me question everything.
To the point, my husband has a habit of fixating on negatives, and once he gets going he can get really worked up. I try to watch what I say around him because if I say something negative, any one small comment, it's like I waved a flag that it's time to let the negativity gates flood open. I don't mind a little bit of commiserating together but he doesn't know when or how to turn it off. Recently I brought up the subject of his negativity and how it makes me feel anxious and sad. Also, I haven't said this to him because I don't want him to go spiraling but I think his attitude may be causing some of my depression as well (I realize this probably isn't fair which is why I haven't said it to him, it's on my list to reach out to a therapist for myself). His response to me bringing up his negativity and asking if there was anything he/we could try to do to cope with those negative feelings in a better way was to say more or less that's just who he is and that he's not going to change. I didn't know what to say to that so the conversation ended there with me suggesting marriage counseling to work through communicating about this.

I keep thinking about what I would say to a friend if they told me they were going through this situation with their SO and the realization that we may just not be compatible makes me very sad because I want for us to be happy together but I'm not sure it's possible if he isn't willing to even talk about changing his behavior. I'm aware it is probably unfair of me to ask him to change this about himself but at the same time isn't it unfair to me if it makes me unhappy? Can anyone offer some insight, maybe something I'm not seeing that will help me be more understanding? Thank you for your responses.
submitted by DustAccording9183 to AspiePartners [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:31 phishfan4life GTX Files for Chapter 11

Garrett Motion (NYSE:GTX) officially files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection while also proposing a $2.1B sale of the business to private-equity firm KPS Capital Partners.
I saw this news today and trading is halted. Can anyone share their experiences on exiting in this situation? I can't sell what I have since trading is halted at this point. Unfortunately, I had no heads up that they were gonna go bankrupt today and traded would be halted immediately.
Why is it that Hertz was still trading after their announcement?
Looks like GTX shareholders will get wiped out after restructuring (i.e. zero chance shareholders benefit from the acquisition, is my understanding correct?). Any chance I have to exit, please let me know your opinions.
submitted by phishfan4life to stocks [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:30 FantasticAstronaut15 24(M) Girlfriend (20f)of almost two years left and I don’t think she is coming back.

My best friend (20f) and I broke up (24m). She was the love of my life. I have had some pretty dark days in my life. I grew up in a household that was very unstable, relationships weren’t something sacred. My parents have had a terrible relationship since I was a child and are still together today. I don’t know how and I don’t know why. I have been learning for the past twenty four years almost twenty five what it means to be in a healthy relationship. I didn’t have my first real relationship until I was 20 and the girl was mentally and physically abusive toward me. I stayed in the relationship a year and a half too long. I came out of that relationship with PTSD and trust issues. I learned how to close myself off completely because my family was unsafe, friendships didn’t feel safe, and women didn’t feel safe to me. I had to go back to my hometown for about six months to try and get away from her and deal with the mental side effects that came with it. I reconnected with a girl I knew in high school. We started talking and hanging out which eventually led to us dating. We dated maybe 6-7 months before I realized how much she didn’t like anything about me. For some reason when all these relationships came to a close I felt like I was the issue, that something about me needed to be fixed. On October 31st, 2018, I met the girl I wanted to be with forever. She was eighteen and I was twenty two. You could tell she was something completely different than any person I had ever met. She had this energy that just made you want to be around her and get to know her. A smile that would light up the entire room. We started dating in December and it was fantastic. I was still dealing with some emotional turmoil that wasn’t fair to her and even though things were awesome it was unfair of me to jump into a relationship with her without fixing my old wounds. I kept in contact with my ex before her a little bit because even though I had wanted that relationship to end for so long I felt like I was the reason behind all her emotional baggage and couldn’t not be there for her in some capacity. I didn’t want to be with her I knew it was over but for some reason I couldn’t just let it go and enjoy this new girl that I knew undoubtedly I wanted to be with. I wasn’t honest and forthcoming about me still communicating briefly with my ex in the beginning when we first started dating in December. I stopped talking to my ex completely after February with the help of my therapist. These conversations were never about how I missed her or wanted to get back with her. I just felt an emotional responsibility to her for some reason. Time goes on and we get to August of 2019, my girlfriend went through my phone and found the text messages between my ex and I and realized that I hadn’t been honest about not talking to her anymore. I guaranteed her and begged her to let me show her that I’m faithful and willing to do whatever it takes to show her that. For the longest time it took work to even slightly gain her trust back. We had another hiccup, my brother was getting married and I’ve talked about how going to strip clubs and being around strippers made her feel. She hated them. I was in my brother’s wedding and was invited to the bachelor party. Some guys paid for strippers to come to the house and I immediately got the hell out of dodge. I didn’t want to participate in the slightest because I knew the long term damage it could have on my relationship. I didn’t participate so in my head out of sight out of mind. I felt like I didn’t need to tell her because I was honest with myself and did the right thing by not indulging in those activities. At my brother’s wedding reception someone brought up that there were strippers at the party in front of her. She lost it, she though I had lied to her again and had something else to hide. I totally understood why she felt like that. It was hard for her to trust me again and I’m her eyes this was another form of betrayal. We worked through this together and it hasn’t been an issue in a long time.
Two weeks ago after moving to a brand new place with my significant other she showed up at my work to tell me that she couldn’t move past what had happened last August and she didn’t know how she could stay with me at this point. I was crushed, we had just moved into together in a brand new city. My parents just helped me help her adopt a puppy, and we were very happy. It didn’t make sense. She left for a little less than a week to stay with her aunt. She begged me to let her come back and start couple’s counseling so we could work through all our struggles as a team and so we could fix the problems in our foundation because we knew our love was greater than that. She hates gambling and I told her if we lived together I’d no longer do it. I thought that she was worth it and I don’t need to be participating in silly activities to make myself happy when I have someone in front of me who brings me more joy than I had ever felt in my entire life. When she broke up with me a week and a half ago I started to dabble a little bit again thinking that if this is it I can start do to what makes me happy. Once she came back I deleted the gambling apps again because I was ready to work on us. Well one day at work I re downloaded it to withdraw the money out of it to put in my new savings account. I was hoping to save for an engagement ring when the time was right. Three days ago before going to work she asked me if she could use my phone to call her’s, making it seem like she couldn’t find it. Even though right before work she had it in bed and hadn’t left the bed. I didn’t mind if she used my phone to find hers. I’m talking to her and she kind of abruptly left the room. I was confused but maybe thought she was letting the dogs out to potty. I went downstairs and as I was walking out the door she asked me are you gambling again. I looked at her and said that I had made a bet two days ago when I was moving the money out of my account. At this point I was unaware she had gone on my phone and seen texts between my brother and I about the bet. She then told me the only way she finds out the truth is on her own. I thought I had done the right thing by giving her the hard answer. She proceeded to call me a liar and a manipulator and that she was leaving to go back to her hometown. She wouldn’t let me get a word in. I went to work and inevitability left early due to my emotional state. By the time I made it back home she already had moving boxes and was packing her stuff to leave me. Told me her sister was flying here to drive her back across the country so she could leave. We had just promised one another that we wouldn’t leave each other again and that we are going to work through our issues. She had made or was making an appointment for us to go to couples counseling and really work on the issues at hand. She wouldn’t hug me goodbye and I went and stayed at a friends for a couple of days. I felt terrible for leaving and tried to make it back before she was gone. I was too late. Now she won’t even respond to any of my messages nor will she answer the phone. I’m trying to give her space but she is the love of my life and I’m not sure how I’ll possibly be able to move on after working so hard to build a life with her. I’m sorry that this is so long and I know my punctuation is terrible. I just need some advice. Do I just let her leave and never look back? It doesn’t feel like that is possible because the morning before this all happened we were telling one another how much we loved each other. I want what’s best for her but I also know that I want her and I want to fight for our relationship. I was ready to tackle all of these issues head on with her in counseling. Any support friendly advice would be appreciated. I want to be a good person and good partner. I love her very much and I’m trying to keep it together.
submitted by FantasticAstronaut15 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:23 sorebum405 Male and Female sexuality are inherently different.

I decided to make this post,because some people on this sub,and alot of people in general.Continue to deny the fact that male and female sexuality is Inherently differrent.So im gonna prove that it is.Im gonna focus on two of the main differences between male and female sexuality.
1.Male are more sexually aroused and more reactive to sexual visual stimuli than women are,or as some people like to put it "men are more visual".
2.Heterosexual female sexuality is inherently more fluid than male sexuality.
So let's start with number 1.

1 Men are more sexually aroused and more reactive to sexual visual stimuli than women are.

This is so obviouswhen we look at the sex differences in behavior in the real world and online.I don't think I really need to go over this too much because it's a common knowledge.So,instead I will focus more on the studies.Here are some studies to back up my first claim.
https://www.nature.com/articles/nn1208/
Men are generally more interested in and responsive to visual sexually arousing stimuli than are women. Here we used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to show that the amygdala and hypothalamus are more strongly activated in men than in women when viewing identical sexual stimuli. This was true even when women reported greater arousal. Sex differences were specific to the sexual nature of the stimuli, were restricted primarily to limbic regions, and were larger in the left amygdala than the right amygdala. Men and women showed similar activation patterns across multiple brain regions, including ventral striatal regions involved in reward. Our findings indicate that the amygdala mediates sex differences in responsiveness to appetitive and biologically salient stimuli; the human amygdala may also mediate the reportedly greater role of visual stimuli in male sexual behavior, paralleling prior animal findings.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609515303532
Our data speak in favor of a common neural network associated with the processing of visual sexual stimuli in men and women. Apart from the observed gender commonalities, overall stronger responses in men were observed that might indicate stronger sexual responsivity in men
https://www.nature.com/articles/ijir201247
In the present study, we investigated sexual differences in the response to different types of AVS by studying activated areas of the brain using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). fMRI was performed during two types of AVS in 20 healthy heterosexual volunteers (aged 20–28 years, 10 men and 10 women). The two AVS types were: (1) mood type, erotic video clips with a concrete story and (2) physical type, directly exposing sexual intercourse and genitalia. fMRI images were analyzed and compared for each stimulation with a Mann–Whitney U test, with statistical significance set at P<0.05. Men preferred the physical type of AVS to the mood type (mean arousal score 2.14 vs 1.86 in females) and women preferred the mood type (mean arousal score 2.14 vs 1.86 in males) (P<0.05). Degrees of activation in brain areas differed between genders and types of AVS for each gender. This should be considered when applying the AVS method to evaluate and diagnose female sexual dysfunction
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1053811918303926
Results confirmed prolonged response times when a sexual image was shown. There was neither a difference between genders nor an effect of sexual arousal ratings or trait sexual motivation on distractibility. Neural activity specific to sexual images was found in brain regions implicated in motivation and reward processing. Men as compared to women showed stronger responses in the nucleus caudatus, the anterior cingulate cortex, and the nucleus accumbens. Trait sexual motivation was selectively correlated with nucleus caudatus activity. Taken together, findings support the notion that even when not in the focus, sexual images activate the brains' reward circuitry. Men's higher sensitivity to the rewarding value of sexual cues may be critical for their higher risk of addictive/compulsive sexual behaviors.
https://scholar.google.com/scholar_lookup?author=S.+Karama&title=Areas+of+brain+activation+in+males+and+females+during+viewing+of+erotic+film+excerpts&publication_year=2002&journal=Hum.+Brain+Mapp.&volume=16&pages=1-13#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3DwHDWfb-pmJQJ
Brain activity was measured while male and female subjects were viewing erotic film excerpts. Results showed that the level of perceived SA was significantly higher in male than in female subjects. When compared to viewing emotionally neutral film excerpts, viewing erotic film excerpts was associated, for both genders, with bilateral blood oxygen level dependant (BOLD) signal increases in the anterior cingulate, medial prefrontal, orbitofrontal, insular, and occipitotemporal cortices, as well as in the amygdala and the ventral striatum. Only for the group of male subjects was there evidence of a significant activation of the thalamus and hypothalamus, a sexually dimorphic area of the brain known to play a pivotal role in physiological arousal and sexual behavior. When directly compared between genders, hypothalamic activation was found to be significantly greater in male subjects. Furthermore, for male subjects only, the magnitude of hypothalamic activation was positively correlated with reported levels of SA. These findings reveal the existence of similarities and dissimilarities in the way the brain of both genders responds to erotic stimuli. They further suggest that the greater SA generally experienced by men, when viewing erotica, may be related to the functional gender difference found here with respect to the hypothalamus. Hum. Brain Mapping 16:1–13, 2002. © 2002 Wiley‐Liss, Inc.
Studies consistently show that men have a higher level of brain activity overall than women when looking at a sexual visual stimuli,Particularly in the amygdala which is what the researcher believe causes the behavioral difference that are observable in the real world.Women,In general are not as visually oriented as men are when it comes to trigerring sexual arousal.
If they were,than male strip clubs catering to women would be more popular and women who visit strip clubs would behave more like men.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/248985698_Ladies_night_out_A_typology_of_women_patrons_of_a_male_strip_club
https://www.magichens.com.au/the-difference-between-male-and-female-strip-clubs/
https://www.magicmen.com.au/7-major-differences-between-male-strip-clubs-and-female-strip-clubs/
https://goldcoastmalestripper.com/news/male-stripping-vs-female-stripping-whats-the-difference

2 Heterosexual women's sexuality is inherently more fluid than men's.

I went over this topic before,but this time I am making an assertion.Like I already mentioned In one of my previous post the most popular porn for women was lesbian porn .So let's see what the studies say.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0018506X13001505
Most men have a category-specific pattern of genital and subjective sexual arousal, responding much more strongly to erotic stimuli depicting their preferred sex than to erotic stimuli depicting their nonpreferred sex. In contrast, women tend to have a less specific arousal pattern. To better understand this sex difference, we used neuroimaging to explore its neural correlates. Heterosexual and homosexual women viewed erotic photographs of either men or women. Evoked neural activity was monitored via fMRI and compared with responses to the same stimuli in heterosexual and homosexual men. Overall, a network of limbic (as well as the anterior cingulate) and visual processing regions showed significantly less category-specific activity in women than men. This was primarily driven by weaker overall activations to preferred-sex stimuli in women, though there was also some evidence of stronger limbic activations to nonpreferred-sex stimuli in women. Primary results were similar for heterosexual and homosexual participants. Women did show some evidence of category-specific responses in the visual processing regions, although even in these regions they exhibited less differential activity than men. In the anterior cingulate, a region with high concentrations of sex-hormone receptors, subjective and neural category specificity measures correlated positively for women but negatively for men, suggesting a possible sex difference in the role of the anterior cingulate. Overall, results suggest that men tend to show more differentiated neural responses than do women to erotic photographs of one sex compared to the other sex, though women may not be entirely indifferent to which sex is depicted.
https://www.psypost.org/2018/02/brain-scan-study-bisexual-heterosexual-women-equally-aroused-male-female-50707
“Our results were largely consistent with the sexual psychophysiology literature,” the researcher told PsyPost. “That is, we found that bisexual and heterosexual women were similarly nonspecific in their responses, with neither group strongly differentiating between erotica featuring men and women.” “We also found that homosexual women differ from the other groups, preferring female to male visual sexual stimuli. This consistency between reward system activity and the sexual psychophysiology literature supports previous studies of genital arousal, suggesting that they may have also been measuring at least some degree of positive emotional response.”Safron and his colleagues conducted a nearly identical experiment on men and published their results in 2017. That study, however, found that men’s brain activity closely corresponded to their sexual orientations.Heterosexual men responded more strongly to images of women and gay men responded more strongly to images of men. Bisexual men, on the other hand, did not show a much of a different response to images of men and women.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4667912/
The current studies investigated within-gender variability in the gender-specificity of women’s sexual response. Two samples of women reporting concurrent andro/gynephilia viewed (Study 1, n = 29) or listened (Study 2, n = 30) to erotic stimuli varying by gender of sexual partner depicted while their genital and subjective sexual responses were assessed. Data were combined with larger datasets of predominantly gyne- and androphilic women (total N = 78 for both studies). In both studies, women reporting any degree of gynephilia, including those who self-identified as heterosexual, showed significantly greater genital response to female stimuli, similar to predominantly gynephilic women; gender-nonspecific genital response was observed for exclusively androphilic women only. Subjective sexual arousal patterns were more variable with respect to sexual attractions, likely reflecting stimulus intensity effects. Heterosexually-identified women are therefore not a homogenous group with respect to sexual responses to gender cues. Implications for within-gender variation in women’s sexual orientation and sexual responses are discussed.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0031938416305637
The present study aimed at investigating differences between gynephilic men and androphilic women in emotional responding to visual sexual stimuli depicting female-male, female-female and male-male couples. Affective responses were explored in multiple response systems, including autonomic indices of emotional activation, i.e., heart rate and skin conductance, along with standardized measures of valence and arousal. Blood pressure was measured as an index of autonomic activation associated with sexual arousal, and free viewing times as an index of interest/avoidance. Overall, men showed gender-specific activation characterized by clearly appetitive reactions to the target of their sexual attraction (i.e., women), with physiological arousal discriminating female-female stimuli as the most effective sexual cues. In contrast, women's emotional activation to sexual stimuli was clearly non-specific in most of the considered variables, with the notable exception of the self-report measures. Overall, affective responses replicate patterns of gender-specific and gender-nonspecific sexual responses in gynephilic men and androphilic women.
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0040256
Recent research suggests profound sex and sexual orientation differences in sexual response. These results, however, are based on measures of genital arousal, which have potential limitations such as volunteer bias and differential measures for the sexes. The present study introduces a measure less affected by these limitations. We assessed the pupil dilation of 325 men and women of various sexual orientations to male and female erotic stimuli. Results supported hypotheses. In general, self-reported sexual orientation corresponded with pupil dilation to men and women. Among men, substantial dilation to both sexes was most common in bisexual-identified men. In contrast, among women, substantial dilation to both sexes was most common in heterosexual-identified women.
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-17941-013
In this study, the authors investigated the hypothesis that women's sexual orientation and sexual responses in the laboratory correlate less highly than do men's because women respond primarily to the sexual activities performed by actors, whereas men respond primarily to the gender of the actors. The participants were 20 homosexual women, 27 heterosexual women, 17 homosexual men, and 27 heterosexual men. The videotaped stimuli included men and women engaging in same-sex intercourse, solitary masturbation, or nude exercise (no sexual activity); human male-female copulation; and animal (bonobo chimpanzee or Pan paniscus) copulation. Genital and subjective sexual arousal were continuously recorded. The genital responses of both sexes were weakest to nude exercise and strongest to intercourse. As predicted, however, actor gender was more important for men than for women, and the level of sexual activity was more important for women than for men. Consistent with this result, women responded genitally to bonobo copulation, whereas men did not. An unexpected result was that homosexual women responded more to nude female targets exercising and masturbating than to nude male targets, whereas heterosexual women responded about the same to both sexes at each activity level.
So again,the research consistently shows that heterosexual women are gender-nonspecifc when it comes trigerring sexual arousal.This is why I mentioned that lesbian porn is the most popular porn for women.Also, women read romance novels way more than men do.They also seem to be more in to erotica as well.I haven't seen the male equivalent of fifty shades of grey.
Lastly,The fact that women are less responsive to sexual visual stimuli,is sort of related to the fact that heterosexual women are more sexually fluid.
I think what im really to say, Is that men and women are turned on differently.Men's sexuality is more rigid because there sexual arousal is more dependent on the visual.While straight women's sexuality is more fluid because there sexual arousal is less dependent on the visual.These are two major differences between male and female sexuality,and I think it's important to understand and acknowledge these differences when were discussing topics on PPD.
Edit:Just to be clear,Im making a generalization.Yes,I know there are women and men who are exceptions to the rule.
submitted by sorebum405 to PurplePillDebate [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:23 unluckyinlove42 This shit does get easier with time. Hang in there.

I've not posted in here as OP for a bit, I seem to have gone into more of a commenter mode dishing out my two cents here and there instead. Maybe that's a sign of healing, I certainly have come a long way over the last 3 months.
There will be some here who are just at the beginning of the discard shitstorm, some wondering where their loving partner went and why they have been replaced with a parasite who despises everything about them that they were built up for at the start.
For you beautiful people just know that no matter how shit you feel, and trust me I know exactly what you are feeling, things will and do get better with the passage of time and getting in to the right mindset.
At the start I couldn't function and had some pretty dark thoughts. Now my despair has turned to a kind of settled acceptance. Don't get me wrong I still wonder what the fuck happened to the bullshitter who was telling me I was her soul mate in between dumping me every 5 second but ultimately its a question for which I won't ever get an answer.
Eventually your head has to just accept that they don't think or act like you. They won't give you closure, you have to get that from within yourself. You need to work out that you did nothing to deserve the treatment you got. Every relationship has arguments and ups and downs but these people take things to a whole new level. Every argument in my case would end up with me getting dumped or put on the back foot expecting the axe to fall.
In her mind I'm the abusive and controlling ex (add me to the growing list of every ex she ever had) and to be honest now I'm past caring. I did all I could for her and she treat me like shit so her loss. In your cases it's their loss too.
Rise out the emotional hell, read up on bpd, talk to people who care, get out, exercise exercise exercise. Keep off the alcohol, it makes shit worse. And whatever you do... Don't give them another inch.
Not heard a peep from mine for 2 months almost but if I ever do she doesn't get any more goes.
I read somewhere in the early days that when you are healed you won't take them back. At the time I wasn't sure about that. Now I'm healing (not fully healed but on my way) not a truer word has been said.
Keep moving forward newbies. It does get easier. I'll go back now to my commentator mode. Love to you all.
submitted by unluckyinlove42 to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:12 throwawaybugs23 I want to breakup with my boyfriend and I don’t know how

I(27F) have become detached emotionally and physically to my partner(27M). We’ve been off and on for the past 7 years and honestly I’m exhausted. I don’t know how or why I’ve let this relationship continue as it has. It started off in a whirlwind, I firmly believe we jumped the gun on moving in with each other and we didn’t take the time to actually learn if we like each other. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for a long time and that makes me not always the most pleasant person to be around. I don’t really trust people easily so I’ve never trusted him 100%. He’s also given me a great deal of reasons not to trust him as well. From finding other women’s underwear, to fear of physical abuse, emotional abuse, petty things like talking down on my choice of tattoos or shows I watch and the list could go on. It was so bad in the beginning that I’m appalled at myself for letting those things slide, I chalk it up to both of us being highly immature. Now 7 years later, I resent him and I resent myself.
Last year we broke up for the 2nd time, it was brutal, he was brutal. He said things to me that I’ll probably never forget. But I survived and began to rebuild myself. Got my own place, my own car, my own bank account, really felt like I was in control of my life for once. We stayed broken up for 6 months before he came back again. And I let him in. I was trying so hard to protect myself at that time. I made him promise me things would be different, that he would be different. But he’s broken every one of those promises. And I feel like an idiot for trying and failing again. But also every time he’s gone back on his word, it’s made me love him less and less. And now, there’s nothing. I do care that he’s okay and that his life goes well but I have no more love to give to him anymore. It feels blank and hollow. I think this has been brewing for 6 months now, because 6 months ago I found naked pictures of his ex-coworker on his phone - his explanation? It was a “coincidence” that he came upon it. I knew then I should’ve left. But I didn’t. Since then things have felt off, forced, even on his end. We haven’t had sex in months, we rarely talk and when we do it almost always leads to a petty argument. I sometimes wonder if he’s feeling the exact same way I am.
You may be wondering, why don’t you leave now? Well we just moved to a new city and signed a shiny new lease on an apartment. I feel stuck. I feel like a coward. I wish I could just leave in the night and not return to this unhappy place. I think this move was an attempt for a fresh start, it feels anything but. I don’t know how to end this.
submitted by throwawaybugs23 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:05 Nestledrink Update from NVIDIA - GeForce RTX 3080 Launch: What Happened? You Asked, We Answered.

Full Article Click Here

Last week's GeForce RTX 3080 launch was simultaneously the best GPU launch ever and the most frustrating.

The reception to our NVIDIA Ampere architecture GPUs has been off the charts and driven interest to heights we’ve never previously experienced. A few examples compared to our previous launch - 4 times the unique visitors to our website, 10 times the peak web requests per second, and more than 15 times the out clicks to partner pages.
We expected the best ever demand for the RTX 30-series, but the enthusiasm was overwhelming. We were not prepared for this level, nor were our partners. We apologize for this.
Our community has asked questions in the past few days since the launch. Jensen’s personal email has been flooded with requests to help. He wants everyone to know he is working with the team.

What happened? I was really excited for the GeForce RTX 3080, but the launch has made it near impossible to find one and this is really disappointing.

The demand for the GeForce RTX 3080 was truly unprecedented. We and our partners underestimated it.
Over 50 major global retailers had inventory on the day of launch. Our retail partners reported record traffic to their sites, in many cases exceeding Black Friday. This caused crashes, delays and other issues for their customers. We knew the GeForce RTX 3080 would be popular, but none of us expected that much traffic on the first day.

What’s the overall GeForce RTX 3080 stock situation?

The GeForce RTX 3080 is in full production. We began shipping GPUs to our partners in August, and have been increasing the supply weekly. Partners are also ramping up capacity to meet the unprecedented demand. We understand that many gamers are unable to buy a GeForce RTX 3080 right now and we are doing everything we can to catch up quickly. Keep checking in with your favorite retailer to be notified of availability. You may use the GeForce RTX 3080 product finder to find available cards at local retailers.

Why does availability start with such low inventory? Why not wait until more cards are produced?

We have great supply - just not for this level of demand. It is typical for initial demand to exceed supply for our new GPUs. Our global network of partners are ramping as hard as they can to get the new GPUs to the more than 100 million GeForce gamers around the world. Our philosophy has always been to get the latest technology into the hands of gamers as fast as possible. As we race to build more GeForce RTX 3080s, we suggest not buying from opportunistic resellers who are attempting to take advantage of the current situation.

What changes are you making to the NVIDIA Store moving forward?

As with many other etailers, the NVIDIA Store was also overrun with malicious bots and resellers. To combat this challenge we have made the following changes: we moved our NVIDIA Store to a dedicated environment, with increased capacity and more bot protection. We updated the code to be more efficient on the server load. We integrated CAPTCHA to the checkout flow to help offset the use of bots. We implemented additional security protections to the store APIs. And more efforts are underway.

You said the NVIDIA store would have GeForce RTX 3080s at 6 a.m. on September 17th, why did the store immediately go from “notify me” to “out of stock”?

At 6 a.m. pacific we attempted to push the NVIDIA store live. Instantly, the NVIDIA store was inundated with over 10 times the traffic of our previous generation launch, which took our internal systems to a crawl and encountered an error preventing sales from starting properly at 6:00am pacific. We were able to resolve the issues and process orders later than planned.

I saw individuals who use bots/scripts celebrating the purchase of multiple GeForce RTX 3080 GPUs! Did bots get all of the available supply?

No. While individuals using bots may have shown images of email inboxes filled with confirmed orders, NVIDIA has cancelled hundreds of orders manually before they were able to ship.

Why did the NVIDIA Store not have any preventative measures in place to battle bots (i.e. CAPTCHA,etc)?

The NVIDIA Store had many behind-the-scenes security measures in place which proved sufficient for previous launches. This is the first time that we have seen bots at this scale and sophistication. Since launch, we have been quickly working on numerous security upgrades, including CAPTCHA. We will also continue to manually monitor purchases to help ensure cards get in the hands of legitimate consumers.

Why did NVIDIA send “Notify Me” emails knowing that RTX 3080 FE was out of stock?

We intended for “Notify Me” emails to go out at 6:00 a.m. with the targeted start of availability. Due to the extreme demand and site traffic, we were unable to properly process orders on time. The emails were held back until the errors were resolved later than morning. Still, inventory sold out very quickly, so we were sold out by time most people opened their emails. In retrospect, we should not have sent the “Notify Me” emails.
Thank you for listening, and thank you for your continued support as we navigate through this. We are excited that you are excited about the GeForce RTX 3080 and we are committed to do everything possible to catch up to the demand as quickly as we can.
submitted by Nestledrink to nvidia [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:05 exiled_demacian 19 [F4M] Anywhere - Toxic person, trying to find that someone..

I AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SERIOUS. THAT WILL LAST FOREVER. just so you know.
Well hi there,ah... where should i start..
I will be honest about every single thing about me, and in fact, ill even start with the "worst" things (depending on your view).
- The "worst" thing about me is my clinginess. I would say id stick to you like glue, but thats something you can get rid of. I will be like a scar you can never get rid of. No matter how much you try to get rid of it, a part of it will still be there always. Scars look cool though, dont they?
I will stick to you so much that ill melt into you.
Now speaking more seriously, I will be with you 24/7. I will think about you 24/7, and you will be the only thing on my mind. I will see/think/hear nothing but you.
I would give up on anything useless to spend time with you. Id rush anything to spend time with you, id do ANYTHING to spend time with you.
But you know... I expect the same from you, right? Well if you didnt, now you know.
There is no point in being with someone who doesnt offer this thing too, for me. And most importantly, WILLINGLY. I want them to want what i want. I want to want what they want.
- You think it cant get more bad than this right? Well maybe it can.
I am the definition of jealousy.
I will not allow you to have friends.
Talk to others (unless its necessary) .
Anything else related to this? Maybe. But i only mentioned the things that are important.
Interested to know more about this? Ask.
[ ABOUT ME ] :
- I am super honest about anything. You could say brutally honest, because sometimes it might hurt. But does anything truly hurt more than a lie? Dont think so. I am expecting someone who is the same.
I do not want a single lie in between us. Ever.
- I like gaming, would be fun to have someone to play with. So many things we could do..
- I used to have hobbies, not anymore tho. Why? Because im not gonna waste my time on material things. I used to like drawing, painting, and creating stuff. Id only do that with someone, atleast something ''not material'' would come out of it (feelings). You will say i can do that by myself, i can get that feeling by myself alone doing the hobby, but anything done alone for me is useless.
Id really love to do anything together, we could explore hobbies and things to do together, it obviously doesnt have to be the thing i mentioned.
- I dont care about looks, in care youre worried about this thing...lol. Everyone is beautiful in its own way.
- I do not have a religion. BUT i DO want one. We could look together into that if you do not have one, and if you do have a religion, teach me about it, or lets learn together about it.
Why? Because i want to be forever with you. (and be a better person maybe lol)
- Dont want kids. Apparently this is important somehow to some people, like, as a decision..bruh.
- I am a pretty serious person, but i can be a cheerful person too. Im pretty sure ill be more cheerful than serious. I can be crazy from time to time lol, in a fun way. And so on, its like im explaining what a human can feel lmao, ill just stop. tf am i doing. no need for this xD
- Work? dont have that. School? quit it. Yikes right?
Well idk wtf im supposed to do about this lol.. Im pretty naive and id wish to make money with my partner somehow. Nothing is impossible right?
I literally even wanna work with you, im that clingy, sigh.
Money can be made from anything though, right?
And who needs a ton of money?!?!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dont know what more to say, im tired.
I think i said the most important things, so thats it.
submitted by exiled_demacian to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:05 exiled_demacian 19 [F4M] Anywhere - Toxic person, trying to find that someone..

I AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SERIOUS. THAT WILL LAST FOREVER. just so you know.
Well hi there,ah... where should i start..
I will be honest about every single thing about me, and in fact, ill even start with the "worst" things (depending on your view).
- The "worst" thing about me is my clinginess. I would say id stick to you like glue, but thats something you can get rid of. I will be like a scar you can never get rid of. No matter how much you try to get rid of it, a part of it will still be there always. Scars look cool though, dont they?
I will stick to you so much that ill melt into you.
Now speaking more seriously, I will be with you 24/7. I will think about you 24/7, and you will be the only thing on my mind. I will see/think/hear nothing but you.
I would give up on anything useless to spend time with you. Id rush anything to spend time with you, id do ANYTHING to spend time with you.
But you know... I expect the same from you, right? Well if you didnt, now you know.
There is no point in being with someone who doesnt offer this thing too, for me. And most importantly, WILLINGLY. I want them to want what i want. I want to want what they want.
- You think it cant get more bad than this right? Well maybe it can.
I am the definition of jealousy.
I will not allow you to have friends.
Talk to others (unless its necessary) .
Anything else related to this? Maybe. But i only mentioned the things that are important.
Interested to know more about this? Ask.
[ ABOUT ME ] :
- I am super honest about anything. You could say brutally honest, because sometimes it might hurt. But does anything truly hurt more than a lie? Dont think so. I am expecting someone who is the same.
I do not want a single lie in between us. Ever.
- I like gaming, would be fun to have someone to play with. So many things we could do..
- I used to have hobbies, not anymore tho. Why? Because im not gonna waste my time on material things. I used to like drawing, painting, and creating stuff. Id only do that with someone, atleast something ''not material'' would come out of it (feelings). You will say i can do that by myself, i can get that feeling by myself alone doing the hobby, but anything done alone for me is useless.
Id really love to do anything together, we could explore hobbies and things to do together, it obviously doesnt have to be the thing i mentioned.
- I dont care about looks, in care youre worried about this thing...lol. Everyone is beautiful in its own way.
- I do not have a religion. BUT i DO want one. We could look together into that if you do not have one, and if you do have a religion, teach me about it, or lets learn together about it.
Why? Because i want to be forever with you. (and be a better person maybe lol)
- Dont want kids. Apparently this is important somehow to some people, like, as a decision..bruh.
- I am a pretty serious person, but i can be a cheerful person too. Im pretty sure ill be more cheerful than serious. I can be crazy from time to time lol, in a fun way. And so on, its like im explaining what a human can feel lmao, ill just stop. tf am i doing. no need for this xD
- Work? dont have that. School? quit it. Yikes right?
Well idk wtf im supposed to do about this lol.. Im pretty naive and id wish to make money with my partner somehow. Nothing is impossible right?
I literally even wanna work with you, im that clingy, sigh.
Money can be made from anything though, right?
And who needs a ton of money?!?!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dont know what more to say, im tired.
I think i said the most important things, so thats it.
submitted by exiled_demacian to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:04 blu3bear [H] Flip doppler P2 0.009 [W] Bayonet slaughter FT

B/O: Bayonet slaughter Ft
Other offers are also welcome, if interested add me and we can maybe work out a deal. Make sure to comment why you are adding me or else i’ll just ignore.
Not interested in Dota 2 items.
S/S: https://s1.cs.money/SxWKIpC_image.jpg
tradelink: https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffenew/?partner=181677640&token=1G9qbpu4
submitted by blu3bear to GlobalOffensiveTrade [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:04 JennySRP 9 years together - He can't explain why he doesn't want to get married

Me (35/F) and M (32/M) have been together for 9 years - I moved internationally to live with him 8 years ago and our relationship has been excellent - our day to day life is so easy breezy, we hold so many of the same values and moral beliefs, and has been the best case scenario for leaving everything behind to come be with him (from USA to UK).
Early in our dating days he talked about marriage, he even started a pinterest board with images of what he'd want our wedding to look like, but about 3/4 years after living with him I realised a proposal wasn't actually being planned and I started to attempt real conversations about what the issues were. First there were hard conversations about money. Then we sorted that. Then we started couples therapy and it turned into therapy for him to learn confidence and self-worth. The therapist said I either needed to leave the relationship or never talk about the issue again. I decided I would rather be with M than leave - and I took my friend's advice "don't give up on love."
3 years have gone by since we did couples therapy (I have done lots of my own therapy because of a life I've had of chronic illness, trauma, and family issues - so have been on my own self development journey for quite some time) - and I've gotten to a point myself where I realise it's not just in our best interest to stay together if we cannot sort out this foundational issue of trust, which is now what seems to be the issue with signing some legal paperwork around being a married couple.
I want marriage, I want the certificate and the legal family name (I don't care about a ceremony). I do not have a core support system in terms of family and friends due to my chronic illness and some tragedy in my own childhood family unit, and to moving to a new country.
He suddenly said a few weeks ago that he actually does want to have children, and when I brought up I could only have kids if I didn't have to work he said he would support me in that - but I need marriage to make sure that kind of protection is there for me and the child. I'm also 35 and heading into geriatric pregnancy territory, and never thought I was going to have kids because of how little support I've had in my life in general - but am thrilled about the idea of having a child with a partner who also really wants one.
M seems to have a severe mental block when it comes to articulating exactly what the issue is with signing the legal document that says we are married. It seems to stem from a big sense of lack of self-confidence and lack of trust in other people, he keeps envisioning the worst case scenario where I become some kind of banshee and steal his stuff and/or kids (????) and I acknowledge the fear but also don't know how we can have a trusting loving relationship if that is the shadow at our foundation? (I'm not really a materialistic person, and while I will need his financial support if we have a family, I am in no way after money or things - love is what matters to me in my life).
So I have the married friend that advises, "Don't give up on love" and the other married friend that says "You deserve that commitment! You deserve better! A man who can't wait to marry you!"
So I've set a timeline now, that we will get through this winter together - the worst of this pandemic I believe!! - And if he wants it to work out he will figure out what it is that is holding him back, because I've made it clear what I want. He says he loves me and "would kill for me" and that I'm the light of his life - but that completely contradicts the unwillingness to sign the legal document and say "I do..." so there's clearly a disconnect there.
Lots of people have advised I could temporarily "leave" and stay with friends or family but as I said I am secluded here in the UK, and have a chronic illness, and do not have a very supportive family in the USA that can hold me up at this time. I am very limited on finances, while I have a job and could minimally support myself on my own, there's no money to throw around taking some time to think - so I need these 6-9 months to save up my own money so I can leave if I need to.
I've avoided having this intention for fear it would just sabatoge the relationship, but it's clear now that if we have incompatible life paths then we cannot possibly remain, even if we love each other.
TLDR - I want marriage, BF cannot articulate why he doesn't want it, even though he wanted it before, after 9 years together I have set a timeline to leave in 6-9 months giving him a clear timeline to figure out if anything is going to change or we have to go our separate ways.
Can anyone give insight into this situation? My heart sinks thinking I will give up someone I love, but I also know that I'm tired of trying to get people to love me and care for me and devote to me as much as I do to them, I'm tired of trying to fight for people's commitment and would rather be alone than in a relationship where I want to be married and they cannot make that commitment.
submitted by JennySRP to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:02 BladeRunner2098 What's wrong with me? Why will nobody stay with me long term?

27, M. I'm not perfect, but at the same time I'm proud of how far I've come in my life. I'm considered to be quite handsome and people often think I'm a catfish on dating sites. I'm 6'2, dark brunette with good hair, fluctuating build between athletic and average, take care of and groom myself (more than most men). I take pride in my appearance because I believe when one looks good they feel good. I'm more of a "pretty boy" manly and the word "metro" could be used to describe some of the fashions I've worn. Being bi, it's not surprising.
I had some rough years growing up and didn't want to see myself going down a bad path, so I changed it. I'm very ambitious. My hobbies are watching films, acting, playing bass, riding my motorcycle, cutting hair (professionally), working out, gaming, and spending time with friends. I can cook, am very tidy and keep a clean home. I have my own place and a vehicle. A good income that I spend and invest wisely. I value family, good work ethic, and volunteer for children's charities often because they're important to me. I strive to be traditional, upright, and stand by my convictions because they make me happy. I won't talk on religion or politics in most social settings because they're divisive topics and I do my best to treat everyone with kindness. I don't cave to pressure and sacrifice my morals to please people, however. I am fully monogamous, drink rarely and socially, and I don't smoke weed or use any substances. I just don't enjoy them so I don't do them. That's a pre-face for who I am. It's not me tooting my horn, but as honest as I can describe who I've become. I'm far from perfect, but strive daily to be the best version of myself.
But how am I in a relationship? After a lot of trial & error, I feel I'm a very good partner. I don't "need" a partner, but they're good company and I enjoy growing with them. I love good conversation and never let things grow stale and boring. I make them feel important, desired, and care about how they feel. I haven't had a single complaint in bed and that's considered a strong point for me. I care about their pleasure before my own in the bedroom because I want them to enjoy it too. I do my best to match their physical and emotional needs while looking after myself. Despite all this, no one will stay with me long term and they consistently go back to guys who are like the ex's they would complain to me about. Having long relationships with men who cheat on and lie to them, but they will rarely spend more than a few months with me. I've been told on numerous occasions that I'm the "type of guy they could see themselves marrying" yet they lose all interest and leave. I of course asked why, and not a single one has given me a reason. "Idk I'm just not feeling it", "it's not you, it's me", "it's just not working".
I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I treat people well and it's not working. Am I supposed to treat them poorly?
submitted by BladeRunner2098 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:00 EmpireOfChairs Capstone for Part 3: Gravity's Rainbow

Hello, everybody! It’s finally time to leave the Zone!
Can you believe that you haven’t even gotten to the most difficult part of the novel yet?
Anyway, I’ve included a massive plot summary here, because the last capstone had one, but this is only for the benefit of new and future readers who are struggling to make sense of the plot threads, and it doesn’t contain any real analysis. If you feel like you understood the gist of what happened already, then feel free to skip it. I am hoping that this summary will elucidate this part of the novel for those who are having trouble following the narrative but still want the opportunity to come to their own conclusions about what it all means.
Throughout In the Zone, I found my real life suddenly full of random obstacles that meant that I couldn’t contribute to as many threads as I would have liked. I would read those other threads and find that things which had fascinated me were either being ignored wholesale or else (I felt) misinterpreted in the comments. As such, I would like to give my thoughts on them here and now, before we leave the Zone and the opportunity to discuss these things is lost.
However, because the plot of In the Zone is so damn long, I’ve decided to do things a little bit differently: I’m going to use this main thread for the summary, and then I’m going to write individual comments on the various parts of In the Zone which I think deserve more analysis before we move on to The Counterforce. The parts I will be analysing will be titled Bianca, Enzian, and The Castle, with associated page numbers based around the 902-page Vintage edition.
Plot Summary:
As you would imagine, I can’t put a lot of detail into a brief summary of what would, on its own, still represent a fairly long novel. I’d like to apologise in advance if I happen to miss anything important, story-wise.
In the Zone opens with Slothrop in his new secret identity as British journalist Ian Scuffling, travelling by train trough the remnants of post-war Germany, the Zone, where he shall remain for most of the book. He meets a racist, jingoistic military man named Major Duane Marvy, who is promptly thrown off the train by a mysterious African ‘rocket-trooper’ named Orbst Enzian. Wandering through the Zone, Slothrop encounters Geli Tripping, a witch with an owl who reveals herself to be the lover of a murderous Soviet cyborg named Tchitcherine, who is involved with finding the Schwarzgerät; a one-of-a-kind V-2 rocket. Having apparently escaped Them, finding out what happened to this rocket then becomes the primary goal of Slothrop – his new epic quest.
Slothrop attempts to infiltrate the Mittelwerke, a vast SS-shaped underground tunnel complex, used by the Nazis to create V-2 rockets using slave-labourers from the nearby Dora concentration camp. He finds the place invaded by Marvy’s army, and the Russians – who both decide to murder Slothrop for discovering what seems to be… an ongoing operation? After his escape, Slothrop finds himself escaping to Berlin via hot-air balloon, only to be hunted by Marvy’s boys once more, but luckily the balloon is filled with custard pies, which are then thrown into the engine of Marvy’s aircraft, presumably killing most of them.
We come to learn more about Enzian, who turns out to have lived previously as a sex-slave to Weissman, a high-ranking German officer who participated in the Herero genocide that wiped out Enzian’s family. As time progressed, Enzian became Weissman’s Monster – the sinister, black right-hand man during his master’s involvement with the development of the V-2 rocket and the mysterious Schwarzgerät. In the Zone, with Weissman’s disappearance, Enzian has taken on a new, commanding role as the leader of the Schwarzkommando – a paramilitary death-cult made up of members of the Erdschweinhöhle (the death-obsessed Herero-survivors scattered throughout various communities in Nordhausen), who have made it their goal to find the Schwarzgerät. He even gets his own right-hand man in the form of the radio-enthusiast Andreas Orukambe. Among the Schwarzkommando, however, there is disagreement – some, like Enzian, believe in the destiny of destruction promised by the Rocket, whilst others, such as Ombindi of the Empty Ones, wish to initiate their own form of ‘racial suicide’, which uses sexual deviancy to ensure a negative birth-rate, which is seen as a triumph of material pleasure over the European ideals of Christian asceticism and death-worship.
Because of his quest to discover the Schwarzgerät, he is by default the arch-nemesis of Tchitcherine. Tchitcherine, we find out, is the long-lost half-brother of Enzian, their father having had a steamy affair with a Herero girl whilst in the midst of deserting the Russo-Japanese War. He grows up into a high-ranking agent of the Leninist Soviet regime, being principally tasked with giving the native people of Kyrgyzstan a new language (the New Turkic Alphabet), which isn’t historically accurate, by the way. During an uprising against conscription in 1916, thousands of native Kazakhs were killed, in an event which Tchitcherine refers to as the Kirghiz Light, which loses him his cosy, bureaucratic job. He is haunted by this light, which he sees as an illumination, a transcendent moment in which he saw the force behind it all. Sent out to the Zone, Tchitcherine has quickly adopted the new role of Rocket-fanatic, believing (like Enzian) that there is a spiritual force to be revealed to him in the Schwarzgerät. He is not entirely sure why his superiors sent him to the Zone, but he is absolutely convinced that it somehow involves Enzian and the Schwarzkommando.
Back to Slothrop, who briefly runs into Enzian again, only to be told, rather ominously, that reality is not real. Enzian, indeed, seems to treat his existence as though they were all conjured into being by some director or writer-God, and that all they can do is follow a pre-determined path to His ending. Weird. Anyway, Slothrop then meets Säure Bummer, the coolest man in the Zone – a proto-hippie drug dealer and money-counterfeiter, who suggests that Slothrop take on the superhero identity of Rocketman (which he does) and then advises him to travel to a bar to meet a contact (Seaman Bodine, the foul-mouthed sailor) who will show Slothrop the way to the Schwarzgerät in exchange for picking up a massive shipment of marijuana – located in the centre of the Potsdam conference. He is then to return with the product, which will be given to an influential Zone personality called der Springer, who will know Slothrop is cool because Säure has given him a chess-piece (a white knight) with which to identify himself. With this potential reward, along with part of the score and one million fake marks, Slothrop decides to haul ass to the conference. He invents another disguise (Max Schelpzig, the name on the fake ID which brought him to Europe in the first place) and sets forth, first by taking a boat into the Russian sector and then running on foot through an Autobahn, jumping the barricade into Potsdam. He gets the dope eventually, after a few awkward encounters with politicians and a few epic stealth moves, and then returns to his boat, where he is then drugged and dragged away, unconscious. Turns out, Tchitcherine has been watching him the whole time, and has just drugged him with the truth-serum/LSD stand-in Sodium Amytal.). He then tries out a huge chunk of Slothrop’s product with his right-hand man, Dzaqyp Qulan, and dumps Slothrop in an abandoned film studio. Waking up, Slothrop encounters Greta Erdmann, a pre-war pornographic actress, who is searching the studio in the hopes of finding her daughter, Bianca, who was conceived at this very studio, with a man named Max Schelpzig, during the filming of German director der Springer’s movie Alpdrücken. Slothrop confides that he isn’t so sure that he’s not in a movie right now.
Meanwhile, the Argentinian anarchists of Squalidozzi find themselves in a submarine, longing for the Zone to become a permanently decentralised monument to the freedom of the individual, in stark contrast from what is happening back home, in their native Buenos Aires. They believe in the power of art to inspire revolution, and desire to work with der Springer to create a film version of Martin Fierro which will force their revolution into existence – just as his propaganda films seemed to will the Schwarzkommando into existence.
Quite the opposite kind of person is then introduced to us: Franz Pökler, a Nazi engineer who worked on the V-2 rocket and the Schwarzgerät under the command of Weissman (now calling himself Captain Blicero). Pynchon shows us basically all of Pökler’s adult life, in a non-linear order. What happens, in short, is this: Pökler is inspired to become a rocket-engineer after taking university lectures in chemistry via Laszlo Jamf, the Pavlovian who somehow conditioned Slothrop as a baby to get erections during V-2 rocket strikes, decades before the V-2 was invented. He marries Leni Pökler, a communist reactionary who will drift apart from him as Weimar Germany becomes the hotseat for a new form of Evil. After watching the late-night premiere of Alpdrücken, Pökler runs home and impregnates Leni with their only child, Ilse. Raising her, he feels compelled to instil within her a desire to travel to the Moon, which is handily reinforced with frequent visits to Zwölfkinder, an amusement park run entirely by children. With Leni gone, Pökler falls deep into his work for the Nazis. As time goes on, he begins to question the nature of his work – is what he is doing just as Evil as what They are doing? Blicero and the other higher-ups catch wind of this, and, to prevent sabotage, Ilse is removed from Pökler’s life. He realises that bringing up the topic will result in termination, possibly of his life, and so he keeps on with the rocket work. He then sees Ilse again, delivered to him at his office without a note, and is advised to go to Zwölfkinder with her, which he does. She disappears the next day. This happens year after year on the same day, with Pökler gradually developing a harrowing fear that she died in the first year, and was replaced by a similar-looking girl. On their final visit to Zwölfkinder, after the Nazi defeat, they find the park empty, and ‘Ilse’ no longer likes the Moon. She tells him that they will no meet again. He returns to the office to find that it has been bombed to smithereens – interesting, isn’t it, how this just so happened to occur on the same day that Pökler goes on his holiday? Bewildered, Pökler travels to the location that Ilse and Leni were supposedly being held, only to find himself in the middle of the Dora concentration camp.
We then encounter the quick story of Horst Achtfaden, another Nazi engineer who, whilst on-board a possibly imaginary “Toiletship” vessel, is captured by Enzian and the Schwarzkommando, who demand that he reveal to them the location of the Schwarzgerät. Deciding that the entire War was just a big joke and that it definitely isn’t worth dying for, he claims that he has no idea what they are talking about, but that there was a colleague named Narrisch who worked directly on the project, so maybe bother him instead.
Back to Slothrop, who is now following the slightly unhinged Greta Erdmann’s lead as she follows a hunch that she hopes will lead straight to Bianca. This leads to a coastal town near the Lüneberg Heath, where the glimpse of a shrouded figure in the mist sends Greta into hysterics before it disappears. As evening approaches, a party-boat named the Anubis drifts by the coast. Upon seeing it, Greta becomes convinced that Bianca is on-board, and jumps into the water after it. Slothrop swims after her, losing his entire Rocketman costume to the sea as he does so. He discovers that the ship is a massive upper-class, elite society orgy vessel - people are indulging in the most depraved sexual acts he has ever seen, all the time, all over the place. And as the night wades on, the centrepiece of this orgy commences – a young girl (Bianca) performs half of a Shirley Temple routine before being publicly humiliated and whipped by Erdmann, her mother. The following morning, Bianca enters Slothrop’s room and the two have sex. Later, a Japanese people-watcher named Ensign Morituri, who lived on the same coastal town that Slothrop was at when they saw the Anubis, relates the horrible truth of Erdmann’s past life. In the lead-up to her time with Slothrop, Erdmann, a fellow native of the town, had gradually gone insane with her partner Gerhardt von Goll, believing herself (for some reason) to be part-Jewish. As some sort of psychotic payback against the Nazis, she began dressing in a shroud and luring the local children out to the swamps, where she would role-play with them (her as Nazi, child as Jew) before drowning them. The figure Erdmann saw earlier is revealed to be a grown-up version of one of the few survivors of her serial-killings – a survivor only because Morituri was there to stop her.
Later, Slothrop endeavours to find Erdmann after she locks herself in her room out of guilt. However, she reveals that her guilt is out of a completely unrelated event – during her time at the Heath, she became the sexual associate of Captain Blicero, who is revealed to have gone insane whilst pursuing some kind of apocalyptic project with a sex-slave (a young boy named Gottfried, who has mysteriously disappeared…) and has now come to see himself as a mythic figure in a fantasy world, running through a different version of Germany from everyone else. During her career as a sex-icon, Blicero took Greta to a remote room in a petrochemical plant, filled with politicians and business tycoons, who introduced her to clothing made entirely out of a new form of plastic – she finds it so stimulating that she wanted to immediate get down and dirty with those around her, but was just as quickly led out of the room again, and, over time, left with a growing concern that she witnessed the birth of something too horrible to really get to the bottom of.
Shortly after this encounter, a major storm hits the Anubis, and many of the passengers, including Slothrop, find themselves thrown head-first into the Sea. Slothrop seems content that the ‘Fascist cargo’ of the ship will soon drown to death. Of course, he is not included – he is soon picked up by an illegal smuggler and sweet old lady called Frau Gnahb, who travels with her young descendant Otto. Reaching land the following morning, Slothrop quickly finds a white-suited man calling himself der Springer, who (after Slothrop shows him Säure’s chess-piece) reveals himself to be none other than Gerhardt von Goll. He is travelling with his friend, an ex-scientist named Narrisch. They all then hop on-board to journey to Peenemunde, where von Goll is immediately arrested by Russian authorities. Narrisch, angered by the whole thing, then forces Slothrop to accompany him as they do another deep-cover infiltration, this time of the Tchitcherine’s military base where they are keeping von Goll. Freeing von Goll, who is on Sodium Amytal, Slothrop finds himself kocking a guard unconscious and taking his uniform. Then, Slothrop and Narrisch run into Tchitcherine and Qulan, where they all get very confused about the uniforms, thus buying enough time for von Goll’s escape. Narrisch then decides to stay behind to fight off the Russians, to allow Frau Gnahb and the gang to get away safely.
Then, to Slothrop’s horror, they once more find the Anubis, where Slothrop is told that he will find his stash to give to von Goll in the engine room. Going on-board, he finds that no-one on the ship remembers or recognises him at all. He gets to the engine room, where the lights go out completely, and voices proceed to taunt and beat him. Frightened, he looks up to find the corpse of Bianca hanging from a noose, just above the stash. He gets it and runs, finding invisible hands grabbing his own as he tries to climb the ladder out of there.
Meanwhile, two older characters, Katje and Pirate, find themselves entwined with a counter-revolutionary force after the destruction of the White Visitation. Katje discovers a film by Osbie Feel which seems to reveal to her the whole Plan and how to combat it, whilst Pirate, on the other hand, has a psychic vision in which he discovers that people of those whom he had trusted are actually parts of Them, and, what’s worse, They know that he is watching them. Both Katje and Pirate begin to form a vague hope of something that can defeat Them, some kind of Counterforce…
Wandering homeless around the Zone again, Slothrop begins to wonder about his own family history, and the environmental damage wrought by his family’s paper company. Furthermore, he thinks back to his first American ancestor, William Slothrop, a pig-loving anti-establishment figure whose political pamphlet was burned on-masse by the Elite, and was then forced to return, defeated, to England. Slothrop once more meets both Marvy and the Schwarzkommando, neither of whom recognise him in the Russian uniform. We soon find out that Marvy is now in league with the Soviets, who have been extracting information about the Schwarzgerät from Narrisch and selling it back to Marvy. While this is going on, Slothrop finds Cuxhaven, where the local children ask him to become their mythical pig-hero, Plechazunga, as part of a pagan festival. Crashed by the cops, Slothrop takes refuge with a teenage girl, who wishes to escape with him, but refuses to leave when the time comes. Slothrop, on the road again, finds a slightly mad German child who demands that Slothrop help him find his lemming, which they fail to do, but Slothrop himself finds a pig, who accompanies him on his journey, which is interrupted by one evening in which Slothrop finds a fellow homeless wanderer named Franz Pökler, who he finds strangely relatable.
Meanwhile, we get to hear about Lyle Bland. Bland was a member of the Masons, though he did not care about the society in the same way that the other Masons seemed to. However, as time went on, he felt that he understood their rites and rituals in a way that the real members never did. He became connected to arcane magickal forces, creating nightly out-of-body experiences, saying on his deathbed that he would choose that night to break through to the Other Side and achieve transcendence. Bland’s life prior to this event was a mish-mash of government deals with mobsters, with the conniving blackmail techniques of intelligence agencies, with the grand conspiracies of international technology tycoons. This last one seems particularly interesting, don’t you think? Bland thinks so too, and he actually has quite a pet passion for a remarkable scheme involving pinball machines that are built to fail – the machines will, in fact, fail immediately after they are fixed. How? Good question.
The final Slothrop scene of In the Zone shows him once more with Bodine, running away from American troops and straight into a mansion which happens to be hosting the party of the century. Ditching his pig-costume in a closet, he takes up in a bedroom with a prostitute named Solange, who is actually Leni Pökler in a new identity. Meanwhile, Bodine runs into Major Marvy, who is here to have sex with a minority so that he can live out a racist power-fantasy. Bodine gives Marvy a vial of cocaine, which Marvy then stashes into his jacket. Later, the mansion is raided by American troops – Marvy, having sex with a minority, freaks it because of the coke he left in his pocket, runs to the closet to find the jacket, only to discover that his whole uniform is missing – the only outfit he can put on to escape is some sort of pig costume. The American troops then find him, ask him if he is Tyrone Slothrop, which Marvy agrees to, hoping that Slothrop hasn’t done anything too bad. He is then kidnapped and dragged into the woods by Muffage and Spontoon, the two hitmen hired by Pointsmen in a previous part of the book to find Slothrop, who proceed to drug and castrate Marvy.
The final section features Mossmoon and Scammony, two government boys back in England who gossip about Pointsman’s career ruination over the castration of Marvy, and the collapse of the whole Scheme. They uneasily discuss the role of homosexuality in government conspiracies. They reveal, finally, what Slothrop was supposed to do in Their Grand Scheme. He was supposed to begin the extermination of the black race. Oh well, they think. If he can’t do it, They will just have to develop different methods.
In the Zone ends on, or around, August 6th 1945 – the date of the atomic bomb strike on Hiroshima. It is also the celebration the Transfiguration.
Discussion Questions:
· Has it occurred to you that most of the dialogue in these sections would have been spoken in German?
· Why do you think the novel is divided into four parts, and what do you think separates them?
· What do you make of the use of the Wizard of Oz quote that begins this section? Quite interesting, especially considering that this is the only epigram that seems to have no reference point in the actual novel.
· What has changed between the beginning and the end of In the Zone?
· Many have expressed the view that Gravity’s Rainbow is not about WWII at all. In fact, Gravity’s Rainbow is about Vietnam. How do you feel about that interpretation, given the focus on the Zone here? More importantly, what does In the Zone tell us about the world in 1973?
· Do you believe that Gravity’s Rainbow is at all autobiographical?
· Why do you think Slothrop keeps becoming a superhero in these sections? What do superheroes and comic books mean to Pynchon?
· Some people have pointed out, with a particular focus on the episodes in which Slothrop wakes up in the studio and Katje finds Osbie Feel’s movie, that the plot is actually a giant film. How does that strike you, and how do you think that metafiction and the introduction of alternative mediums relates to the themes of In the Zone?
· In the Zone makes up literally half of the book. But why? What’s so important about it that could not expressed elsewhere?
· For that matter, what do you make of the Zone itself? Why do you think he wrote a book around it?
· Does Pynchon evoke the imagery of ghosts, magic, angels, demons, telepathy and other phenomena with genuine sincerity, or are we supposed to take these as metaphors for more grounded events?
· This section is far more epic in scope than the two preceding it. Did you encounter anything cool or interesting that you think we forgot about in the discussion threads?
· What do you make of the Rocket-cartel, and what do think Their grand plan actually is?
· What was your favourite episode of this part? Also, what was your favourite Pynchon-tangent or speech?
Previous Threads:
Sections 30-33
Sections 34-37
Sections 38-40
Sections 41-45
Sections 46-48
Sections 49-53
Sections 54-57
Sections 58-61
submitted by EmpireOfChairs to ThomasPynchon [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 17:54 Lanacraus Got two new roommates.. and I feel like my home isn't my home!

Long story short; my partners friends were in a bad place in the town they were living in, so we offered them the spare room.
Only 5 days they have been living here, FIVE DAYS and I have had enough.
  1. They haven't bathed or showered in 5 days, or changed their clothes and they STINK.
  2. They haven't cooked once since getting here, only ordered themselves takeaways and all the takeaway cartons are still in their room.
  3. When I walk in my house all I can smell is the rancid stench of sweat.
  4. Before they moved in I brought an oak coffee table, the nice kind; now it has coffee cup rings all over it and coffee spillages. They haven't cleaned them up noooo, I have.
  5. They leave all their electronics on all night even when sleeping; hiking up the overall electric bill that's paid quarterly.
  6. The girl doesn't talk to us and stays in her room 24/7.
  7. No housework has been done by them; myself and my partner do it all every morning.
  8. The room we gave them is FILTHY.
  9. The girl keeps my kitten in her room all day; half the time we cant find her - now the cat is more inclined to be with her.
  10. They moan when we go out - constantly messaging and ringing us with issues, expecting us to go home.
  11. They HATE us drinking (at all) I got filthy looks for having 2 glasses of gin on a Friday night.
  12. They constantly have issues with what I'm doing - curling up on my sofa for 4 hours reading on my kindle in an evening? - oh no, against the law.
  13. They don't like us having our friends over and upon them leaving ask us not to invite them around again!
Is it rude if I ask them if they have a phobia of water and if they haven't why the hell haven't they had a bath? Is it rude to ask them to clean themselves?
I am at my wits end! My home doesn't feel like my home! They even ask us to buy them their juice and milk when we go out, because they cant be bothered to walk to the shop!? (Obviously we don't) but my god!!
Help!
submitted by Lanacraus to badroommates [link] [comments]


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